Boys!

So in my last post I mentioned how I have had many first dates and I have! This year started out great I had met 3 different guy on Grindr(do not judge)…haha They were all different and I love that! I DO NOT HAVE A TYPE!!! At least in the looks department, I love all guys, but it just seems everyone else is not as open. Out of the three I kept in contact with one of them and he was my favorite to begin with. We will call him Alex, he is 31 and an artist. We have been talking for about 5 months there were was point where we did not talk because I wanted him to chase me a little but he did not. I saw him on grindr again and I felt this overwhelming urge to message him again. We started hanging out again and of course I initatie all of our encounters which I told him. He said that he does not text anyone and that he always responds to my texts. He also pointed out that he was feeling incredibly lazy before the last time we hung out but he came out anyway. I had a great time, we had a few drinks and talked like old friends. Prior to meeting up, I texted him and was extremely flirty the most forward I had ever been with him. It seemed to work and we were in a flirty mood all night! I even tried on a pair of chaps in from of him and it was just too much fun! We went back to his place and watched So You Think You Can Dance and it was nice just hanging out with him. We ended up hooking up, we did not have sex but it was incredible! He even texted me the next day which he does not do, we have not talked really since and I do not know what to do. So I am trying to not be needy and keep my distance. There was this guy who I hooked up with on the weekend of Pride who I just was in love with. I did not text him the next day I waited a week and he did not respond. I was kind of bummed but what can you do? I have a few more boys to talk about but I will post more later. Tell be about!

How far I have come…

Hello!!! I could not figure out my password for the site but I am back! So much has happened and I cannot believe how far I have come just in terms of starting this blog. From my first date and kind of 1st boyfriend to where am I now, not being able to even remember how many dates I have been on. Wow! Am I happy?...No!!!...haha I am still in the same place as my last post just with whole bunch of first dates thrown in the mix…haha You know I really choose to be in a relationship right now. I cannot focus on anything else. I feel I cannot be that young and sexy guy that I want to be! My friends still suck! I am ok with it. I am trying to call new friends into my reality and I know it is going to work. One guy who I went on date with recently, mentioned to me that you cannot let people walk all over you and its true! I am like totally going into like asshole mode and I am so nice I usually be like I do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings but you know what? I am focusing on me and just putting my feelings first and worrying about the fall out later. Tell me about it?

So Many Things

I should post more maybe people would start reading this thing. Anyway I am so like depressed right now and it kind of came from no where. I've battle with depression for the past 6 years and I thought I was ok, but I'm not. The problem is it's so many things that I can't wrap my head around trying to heal myself. I was doing so good for the past year and a half but things have changed radically and I'm having a hard time coping. My friends are so self-involved that I have found myself ignoring them completely just so I don't have to deal with there bull; more on that later. School is ok, better than ok, but living at home and having to balance my responsibilities is wearing me down. I've seriously been trying to make new friends and for whatever reason it's not working for me. I've also been trying to date just so I can feel young and sexy : D but I have not had any luck. That has been bringing me down as well. I go through my phases of deleting all my accounts and just not even attempt to date; I get a little like, "Oh, I'm missing out" so I create the accounts again and just hate the guys online. Seriously it's like "only interested in white, it's a preference, I'm not racist" and that is coming from black guys, asian guys and latin guys! I guess all I can do is laugh or cry whichever comes first but I've gotten used to the racism from white guys but to see this coming from other ethnicities is so heartbreaking. It's like I can't find comfort anywhere! The sad part is, if this post wasn't sad enough is that I am so horny! I would love to be able to just f*ck someone and I actually have no prolem finding guys for that, but because I've waited so long I just can't bring myself to do it.I can't wait to do a happy post I know it's coming. Tell me about it!

Summer is almost over : (

So it has been forever and a day since my last post. What have I been up to you ask? Well, working my butt off and enjoying my summer as much as I can. The last few weeks have been interesting. Crystal, my dear friend who moved to NYC for school stayed with me for a couple of weeks for the summer. While she was here we went out a lot and I was introduced to this really hot guy who I will call Smith. He is half black and about my size, more muscular though and is completely out! The first night I met him he was just too freaking much. He definitely fit the stereo typical gay guy but, once we all cooled down at my friend's place he kind of chilled out and was way more interesting to talk to. That night ended with me on his chest and us holding hands while we stroked one another's chest. : D The next night we went out again and he was preocuppied with his ex-boyfriend, which I didn't know he was his ex at the time, because said ex was drunk off his ass, seemed kind of coked out to me, and apparently leaving with some drag queen from Ru Paul's drag show. Whateva! Anyway I went of my way and followed Smith as he drove the ex home so we could hang out that night. It was worth it because we had great convo and yeah! I invited him out again that week but he had to work, he's a go-go dancer! He invited me to stop by and I did and damn that boy can move. Anyway, he kisses me on the cheek, hugs me as I take him home and takes my shirt. He said so I have a reason to see him again, which I didn't need. So we are supposed to go out sunday doesn't work out, Crystal and I have a falling out. The next day he drives with me to drop Crystal off her at her mom' place. On the way back he was more interested in Beyonce than me, but that was cool. He said that we should hang out the next day and I said ok. I take him to pick up his check, cash it and then drive all around looking for the type of beer he likes. We head to the beach and meet his friends. His friends are cool, kind of like him in the stereo typical way. It was a bit much for me and I kind of shut down. We go out to a bar and for whatever reason I'm not feeling it. I think I expected just us to hang out and not to have to deal with all these people. Did I mention his ex worked at the bar, yeah! We ended the night with him saying he thought I didn't have a good time, which I did and I didn't. I enjoyed being out with him but hated that it wasn't just us. I was being so stubborn and when he asked if I was going to come out again, I said probaly not. I AM SO STUPID!!! He said when am I going to see you again and I just shrugged. He's a smart guy, he knows he could see me whenever he wanted to. Anyway I sent him text eventhough his phone died but he never got back to be so I waited almost a week called him and he said he was as at a party so text him. I did and he never got back to me! He mentioned he doesn't chase guys and I can understand that but I don't like to chase either. I feel desperate! I like but damn! Is this how you get a guy? Do you really have to be so persistent if they really like you or is he just not that into me? Please tell me. All my girls say he should come after you but they're girls! They're used to guys coming after them. I'm going to try again but I don't know when. He actually still has my shirt and I want it back! I love my 12 dollar H&M shirt, he can't have it or he can but he is going to pay for it. Tell me about it!

P90 X

I broke down and bought P90 X and I so excited to get started. I'm not starting unitl Monday because you have to drill the pull-up bar into the wall, good to know that before hand, and I don't have one. A drill that is, so my Uncle is bringing me one on sunday. I'll definitely keep you guys update on my progess. I'm 5'9 155 pounds with a pretty athletic build. I'm looking to tone up and build some muscle, so I think P90 X is the answer. Has anyone tried it? Love to hear some success stories. Tell me about it!

Happy F**kin New Year!!!

Well we’re about 2 months in to the new year but I haven’t written a new post this year so Happy F**kin New Year!!! Well Rufio and I got back together only to call it quits a week later. He should be in New York and I’m so glad to have him 3,000 miles away from me. That wasn’t love it was lust and it fizzled as lust does. Well, my beautiful baby, my car, was having some issues so I had to sell her. It was sad but I have a new baby now! I got my first new car and I couldn’t be more happy! It gets great gas mileage and it is super sporty! The payment is a bitch but I can handle it. I’m back in school and I joined this volunteer group on campus, U-Group. It hasn’t been going well. I am trying to step out of my box and be more social, more outgoing, and just a better me all around. But the other people in the group are so unwelcoming to me. Everyone gets along fine with one another but when it comes to me. They’re all so fake, rude and just awkward. I feel like I have nothing in common with many them. Crystal said maybe it’s that I am Black Gay Man and I was like ok! Well I can’t change any of that so f**k them all. There are a couple of people who are really cool and I wish everyone else was like them. I’m going to try to stick with it, it lasts until the end of summer, but if today doesn’t go well I’m going to have to quit. My mental well being is the most important thing to me and I just don’t leave are meetings feeling like a better person.

School is going great and I am learning to be more disciplined. I need to learn how to leave my house to study. I find it to be so hard seeing as I love to be in my own space, I don’t like crowds and sometimes I have to pee and I’m so paranoid someone will steal my stuff. So I pack everything up, take a leak, come back and unpack everything. It’s so exhausting! I’m going to try it this weekend. I was as horny as a teenage boy on prom night this past weekend and I wanted to get f**ked so badly. Wow I’m using f**k a lot in this post, f**k! Well anyway I trolled the likes of craiglist, gay.com and a few other sites. With the mindset that if a hot enough guy comes along. I will compromise my values, beliefs and all of my morals to have a night of hot sweaty mind blowing sex!!! I didn’t have sex. Sad I know. BUT! I’m glad I didn’t and I did meet a cute guy. We chatted for awhile and that kind of went no where but he did say he wants to hang out soon. After deciding not to date until “The One” comes along, I realized I won’t know “The One” until I date some more “Wrong Ones” so that’s what I’m gonna do. So I’ll keep you updated. Tell me about it!!!

This feels like familiar territory.

I’ve putting off this post for awhile because I am kind of embarrassed but I am not perfect. Rufio and I got back together. If you’re keeping track this is the third time that we have gotten back “together”. He sent me a text saying that he wrote me on facebook and he would like me to read it. So I did. He pretty much said that he didn’t want me to think of him as a bad experience and all that. I texted him and said that it took a lot of courage to send that and thank you! We talked and went over everything that we think went wrong blah blah… He asked me what do we do now? I said this feels like familiar territory and that I’m not sure. So we said we’ll try again. We hung out last Friday night. My car was in the shop so he picked me up and we went over to his place. His friends came over and it was kind of awkward but they were cool. He kept talking about his ex boyfriend and it was pissing me off. They left and we just went to bed. We woke up and went to eat and he actually took me to get out test results from a month ago. He doesn’t have anything and I don’t have anything. We we’re supposed to hang out Wednesday but he had something come up. Apparently he went to see family in L.A.

I was kind of upset because he picked that day to hang out and he said family comes first. Which I would never argue with but why wasn’t this planned in advance? It makes me seem crazy if I’m mad. I wanted to send him a break up text but I didn’t. I’m trying to be adult about this. We’re supposed to hang out this weekend but I don’t like that everything is on his time and terms. Everything else is going pretty great! My car was in the shop but its back in full form, the job hunt as cooled but I am optimistic something great is coming my way and school is almost over so I can’t wait to be done. Tell me about it!