This feels like familiar territory.

I’ve putting off this post for awhile because I am kind of embarrassed but I am not perfect. Rufio and I got back together. If you’re keeping track this is the third time that we have gotten back “together”. He sent me a text saying that he wrote me on facebook and he would like me to read it. So I did. He pretty much said that he didn’t want me to think of him as a bad experience and all that. I texted him and said that it took a lot of courage to send that and thank you! We talked and went over everything that we think went wrong blah blah… He asked me what do we do now? I said this feels like familiar territory and that I’m not sure. So we said we’ll try again. We hung out last Friday night. My car was in the shop so he picked me up and we went over to his place. His friends came over and it was kind of awkward but they were cool. He kept talking about his ex boyfriend and it was pissing me off. They left and we just went to bed. We woke up and went to eat and he actually took me to get out test results from a month ago. He doesn’t have anything and I don’t have anything. We we’re supposed to hang out Wednesday but he had something come up. Apparently he went to see family in L.A.

I was kind of upset because he picked that day to hang out and he said family comes first. Which I would never argue with but why wasn’t this planned in advance? It makes me seem crazy if I’m mad. I wanted to send him a break up text but I didn’t. I’m trying to be adult about this. We’re supposed to hang out this weekend but I don’t like that everything is on his time and terms. Everything else is going pretty great! My car was in the shop but its back in full form, the job hunt as cooled but I am optimistic something great is coming my way and school is almost over so I can’t wait to be done. Tell me about it!

Major Music: Mega Video Post

Beyoncé - New Music - More Music Videos

Lady Gaga - New Music - More Music Videos

Rihanna - New Music - More Music Videos

Alicia Keys - New Music - More Music Videos

Leighton Meester - New Music - More Music Videos

These are some of my favorite songs and videos of the moment. Of course, Beyonce is in there along with Rihanna, Alicia Keys, Lady Gaga and Gossip Girl's resident bad girl Leighton Meester, who brought the ever so sexy Robin Thicke along for the ride. Check em out!

Major Music: Britn3y Sp3ars

Britney Spears - New Music - More Music Videos

So Ms. Britney has a new video and song out and I'm loving it! It's very naughty, it's very suggestive, it's...very Britney! The song, 3, is about having a threesome. I know, how disgusting...haha Personally, a threesome isn't my thing but I also have never had sex so I guess you can't knock it til ya try it. Max Martin, they guy who wrote Brit's first hit baby one more time and her recent controversial hit If You Seek Amy, penned this little ditty. Britney looks the best she has looked in a long ass time in the video, but she still seems a little out of it. The video could of been way better but of course they, I have no idea who they are, had to mess it up. Check it out!

I'm celibate...

Well, I guess I wasn't having sex to begin with so...I've always been celibate. Hmmm...why do I try to be more clever than I actually am? Anyway Rufio and I are dunzo. He was being flaky and I couldn't handle it. This was after we had a great night out and after I stayed over at his house for the first time. I think I just liked the attention he gave me. Don't get me wrong. I think he is a great guy, but he’s not for me. He's moving in December anyway so I mine as well be heartbroken now. I actually have been dealing with it pretty well. I had myb24 hour post break-up breakdown and have been feeling better ever since. I've been reading, working out, going to school, laughing, crying (just kidddin), and hanging with family and friends. I'll be a better person because of this and I now know what I want from a MAN. I'll miss being with him but he was just the beginning for me and to think I was about to give up my boogina to him, Noah's Arc reference, get with it! The Universe was really looking out for me. Thank You Universe!

I talk a lot about being a gay and a virgin, but I haven't talked being BLACK a whole lot. Well I'll start now. We are doing presentations in one of my classes at school. One of the groups presented on Men and Music. Let me just say that if you’re going to talk about something that might not seem like it’s going to offend anyone but you end up making it offensive that you should really do your research and become more educated on the topic; especially when you are presenting the topic to a group of your peers. That was nice right? These three men who happen to all be of the Caucasian persuasion starting presenting and of course Hip Hop was the first genre they talked about. I had a bad feeling the minute the picture of Tupac Shakur came up. They pretty much generalized how all “black” hip-hop is bad and how Tupac was a “gansta”, please! I was offended to say the least, disappointed in their lack of preparation and how they took the easy way out for their presentation. I say this because they didn’t talk about Eminem, who is the biggest selling rapper of all time, and his role in this violent medium. When they mentioned Jay-Z, who I feel has become less about violence and sex, they referenced his Big-Pimpin video. While that video did glamorize money and sex; it was from 1999!!!!! Use a recent Jay-Z video if you’re going to villainies him! In fact, use Eminem’s Stan video if you want to show what is wrong with Hip-Hop! What was mind boggling is that we just watched a documentary from Jackson Katz, which showed how the men in Hip Hop are emulating White Italian gangsters and how most of Hip Hop is distributed my White corporate men. So for them to make this half-baked presentation was blasphemy to me. As they move from Hip Hop to country. One of these highly enlightened individuals said how if only country would become more mainstream. Maybe just maybe it would filter into other forms of music and it would make these “black” men less violent. Of course he didn’t say black but he implied it. They also talked about rock music but failed to mention punk, grunge and heavy-metal rock. Which some believe to be violent and downright evil. How can you say how violent Hip Hop is, which it can be don’t get me wrong, but not talk about Marylin Manson and how he was blamed for the Columbine shootings. While I don’t think Marylin was to blame many public figures did and it was a big moment in American Music history. The whole presentation just came off as a little biased to me. We have to do peer evaluations and I’m assuming I don’t have to tell you that I didn’t give them a 10 out of 10. Tell me about it!

I Love Beyonce!

Beyoncé - New Music - More Music Videos

I love Beyonce! If I could die and come back as anyone, I would most likely come back as this Goddess. She's amazing! I get goosebumps when she opens her mouth. I feel a weird tingling sensation in my loins when she gyrates her hips. Which usually only occurs when I see a hot guy gyrating his hips, but I digress. Beyonce performed my favorite song, Sweet Dreams, off her double platinum, double disc effort, I Am... Sasha Fierce at the European MTV Music Awards. Although, I haven't seen the rest of the performances from that night; I know my girl "B" stopped the show from this performance alone. Check it out!

Did I forget to register for a sex life?

So I was watching Sex and The City, I know how gay of me and Carrie made a comment about registering for a sex life. I couldn't help but think "Did I forget to register for a sex life?" I don't think I did, but maybe there was a form I missed or an e-mail I accidentally deleted. While my romantic life has seen significant gains in the past year, let alone past two months. I can't help but still feel way behind my straight and gay peers. I was on one of my favorite celebrity blogs which featured an article on celebs talking about at what age they lost their virginity. Here are some of my faves: Angelina Jolie at age 14, Daniel Radcliff at age 16, Megan Fox at age 17 and Tina Fey at age 24. Can you believe Daniel lost his virginity at 16? To an older woman I might add. There is something not right about Harry Potter losing his virginity before I. According to the average age of these celebs, I should have probably lost my virginity around age 19...damn!!!

I’m not the type of person who can just go out and give myself to just any guy. Well, not yet anyway. The first time needs to be special or at least feel special. The guys that can give me that, I'm not at all attracted to. The guys I'm attracted to can't, at this point, give me intimacy. Speaking of which, I had a date with Drama Boy and it was fun. We went to an improv show and I was laughing the entire time. There was a really cute guy in the show and it turns out he was gay. I thought so! I don't see Drama Boy and me becoming anything more than friends. He's so nice and considerate but the physical attraction just isn't there. I have a meeting with a guy tomorrow and I'm not at all excited about it. I'm giving the guy a chance because he claims he wants friends and I think that is pretty admirable. The only thing is, he keeps asking for pictures of me. I'm like no! I have pictures up on the website I met him on and if he doesn’t like what he saw then we don't need to meet. Which, I told him by the way. He's not the only one though. There was another guy who I was talking to who asked if I could send him a picture. I didn't even dignify his incredulous request with a response because FIRST we we're already friends on facebook (plenty of pictures there), SECOND I wasn't that into him to be sending pictures of myself and LAST just f*ck off! I might sound like a bitch but we’ve barely had a full conversation but he wants me to send pictures of myself. At least the guy I am meeting had the decency to send a picture of himself before he asked for one of me. BOYS!!!

So to recap; I guess I did forget to register for a sex life but I'm going to do so now! I'm registering at Hot Guy R US and the one I want is going to be between 5'9 and 6'1, be outgoing, compassionate, amazingly attractive and love me for me! It's going to happen I can feel it. Christmas will be here before you know it, so if you want to get me a gift…I’m just saying! I will not be a 24 year old virgin! No offense Tina Fey, but I will either explode or end up going off the deep end. When and who did you lose your virginity to? Do you regret it? Tell me about it!

Are We Cool?

Let me start by saying that I wasn't planning on getting back together with Rufio BUT we are back together. I think I mentioned how I was going to delete him from facebook and his number from my phone. Well I did and the next day he sent me a text saying are we cool? I actually waited to respond because I wanted to think about the question. At that time I wasn't sure if I wanted to respond or not. 15 minutes later he texted me again saying nevermind. I couldn't help be a little giddy knowing that he was getting so upset. I texted him the next day saying that we were cool. I guess he hadn't noticed that I deleted him from facebook yet. So the next day he texted me saying why did I delete him and blah blah... I ended up calling him and we just had it out. It was pretty tame and we just got what we were feeling about the situation out. Pretty much he said he was giving me space and I said I was giving him space and when HE didn't call for THREE weeks I decided to move on. Well we made up and we're "dating" again.

We saw each other Wednesday night and we just walked around the gayborhood before having dinner and dessert. Everything was cool and when I drove him to his car I was expecting a kiss, I didn't think it was unusual. He was like no! WHAT!!! I was schocked. I was persistent and I finally got the kiss I wanted. His lips are amazing and I can't resist them. So we made plans for Friday night, yeah twice in one week, I still can't believe it. I rented a scary movie, Drag Me To Hell to be exact, and headed over to his house. The movie was so funny and not as scary as I thought it would be. As usual I was very into the movie and we barely touched or talked, I was thinking about it of course. After it was over. I tried to get frisky but he wasn't having it. This was funny to me because usually he initiates things. I wouldn't take no for answer, I hadn't turned him down before, so I felt entitled ya know. We fooled around a little then we would stop. I told him that he didn't seem into it at all and he said that he was tired of me teasing him. He says that we mess around and then we don't have sex. So he wants to go all the way and I understand that. If I wasn't a virgin I probably would have fucked, excuse my language, the hell out of him already. I don't know. I just need that one big sign that tells me he's the guy I'm supposed to give it to. We've done everything else, well like oral and what not. So I feel comfortable with him but I don't know. He told me to text him when I got home and he hasn't done that before so I took that has a sign I should keep seeing him. I dont' want to tease him but I'm not ready to go all the way.

To make things worse during our little break. I kind of hooked up and although I'm not ashamed. I told all my friends and my sister about it, I didn't tell him and in return with my guilty conscience, I interrogated him to make sure he didn't sleep with anyone during that time out. I'm such a hypocrite I know. Also, I'm still talking to other guys because I'm not sure if he want to be exclusive and I don't, I CAN'T be the one who gets his heart broken. I think we need to have a date night again and have a little talk about the status of our relationship. Well its Saturday night and I think I need to get drunk or something. Tell me about it!

Crush: Kerry Degman

Kerry Degman is one of the hottest young male models out right now and I have a huge crush on him. He reminds me of Channing Tatum when he first started out. He's everywhere from the pages of GQ to a very sexy Armani Exchange UNDERWEAR campaign. He stands 6 ft tall, was discovered while dropping his sister off at her modeling agency and apparently is still a VIRGIN according to a little interview he did with OUT Magazine. I think we're meant to be together. He has the hottest ass I've seen on a guy in awhile, an even more incredible smile and some crazy sexy obliques. I would no longer be anywhere near a virgin if I had this hot piece in my arms every night. If you want more of Kerry check out this great blog dedicated to him at http://kerrydegman.blogspot.com/. Tell them The Virgin sent you! I'll leave you with this behind the scenes video of Kerry's Armani Exchange UNDERWEAR shoot. Check him out!

To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything Julie Newmar

I mentioned how I watch this movie the other night with Other Navy Guy and I forgot how great it was! It's such a great story of three men who don't live by anyone's standard of "normal". They are who they are and don't apoplogize for it. The little town where they end up staying while their car is being fixed, seems stuck in a time warp. They surprisingly embrace these three "career" women and in-turn they open this little town up to a whole new way up of life. It's an uplifting movie and a great way to spend a night with someone you care about or who you care about at that moment ;-). Check it out!

Random Hookups! : /

Although I haven't gone all the way yet, I'm not a stranger to random hookups. I'm not as bad as some, but over the past four years I've had three random hookups that I don't regret at all, surprisingly. I bring this up because I had a hookup earlier this week and it was panning out to be a nice late night get together. I met a guy online, who by the way works with Navy Guy so he's Other Navy Guy, I didn't mention that I had just went out on a date with his co-worker the night before. I had no idea there were so many gay guys in the navy! I'm thinking of joining : ). Anyway we talked for over an hour and he was so intelligent and interesting. He had some pics up and looked like a pretty decent looking guy. He said he couldn't sleep so he invited me over. I decided what the hell, I needed this. So I meet him and he's not as hot as in the pictures. I've become quite the little actor, I smiled big and fluttered my little eyes and we headed up to his place. He was extremely nice and had so much going for him. We watched To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything Julie Newmar and I forgot how funny that movie was. After that we went to sleep and I thought that this was just going to be an innocent rendezvous. I woke up to him rubbing his crotch into my ass. It was a nice way to wake up but the kissing was horrible and he wasn't in the best of shape. It made it hard to be turned on. We did our thing and I left. He said call him sometime, but he's older and more experienced. Maybe I'm just an old fashioned kind of girl but why can't these guys take the lead. I assume I'm just not the right guy for them and they're letting me know their not my type. That's fine! Rufio texted me last night and was so upset when I didn't respond right away. He's strange. I need a guy who knows what he wants! Preferably me! Drama Boy and I are becoming fast friends and that's really cool because I want a good gay male friend. Boy are exhausting and I know what I have to do. Stop looking! It will be hard but I know that's what it will take for me to regain my sanity. Tell me about it!

I'm moving on and dating!

It has been a two weeks since Rufio and I have talked so I am over him. I’m debating deleting him from facebook and his number from my phone. I am usually very quick to delete people so I’ve waited but I think I will this week just to make it official. Well I haven’t exactly been sitting around waiting for his call. I met a few different guys online and they looked good on paper so I decided to give them a shot.

Guy 1(Navy Guy)-Is tall, has beautiful blue eyes and is actually a pretty intelligent and funny guy. We went to the movies and it couldn’t have gone better. There is one big thing though, besides the fact he has a dog, he is HIV-Positive. That’s a huge deal for me because I want to feel comfortable with the guy I’m with and I just won’t be with a HIV-Positive guy. I kind of new before he told because his profile didn’t say he was negative like most do, but I wanted him to tell me and he did to his credit. For right now he is in the friend category.

Guy 2(Drama Boy)-Is also very intelligent and funny. I am not physically attracted to him, BUT I am not going to let that stop me from getting to know a great guy! We met for coffee and it was very awkward as most first meetings are but we still had a great conversation. He is also in the friend category.

Guy 3(The Teacher)-Is cute from the one picture I’ve seen of him. We’ve exchanged texts and talked on the phone and I liked his voice. His friend was having a little get together at one of the local bars in the gayborhood and he wanted me to stop by. I told him I couldn’t meet him because I didn’t want to meet all his friends. I don’t think it’s fair for me to meet him under those conditions. He was in my area in the morning and I told him that we could meet for coffee. We didn’t meet in the morning but he texted me and told me he really wanted to meet me. I said again we can meet for coffee after he was finished, he didn’t respond. I don’t know about him, but he’s going to have to try a little harder to get me.

Well those are my options as of late, not a bad starting point at all. I want more options though. I sound so ungrateful but I’m 22 and a VIRGIN!!! I really need the basics met; physical attraction, emotional connection and a big…well that’s negotiable. I plan on remaining in contact with all three because I want some gay male friends and 2 out of 3 seem like they could be great friends. I think it’s so funny that these guys are into me when the guys who I want are just not that into me. I’m in such a good place right now and I plan on being in an even better place by the end of the year. That includes a new car, my own place, a great job and an amazing boyfriend! Would love to hear about your dating experiences and what you think about mine. Tell me about it!

Life!

It has been a pretty crazy past couple of weeks for me. School, work or lack thereof and dating or lack thereof has kept me pretty preoccupied. I was so overwhelmed in school that I missed some classes which was typical of me in the past but I hate missing classes and don’t unless something important has come up. I haven’t been working for the past couple of months and it’s been pretty nice with school and everything, but I like having my own money so I have been applying for some part-time jobs. The search hasn’t been too bad but I’m realizing people are so unprofessional it’s ridiculous. I had an interview at one place and totally came prepared and killed the interview. They called me asking if I can come for an orientation on Tuesday morning I say no because I have class. They never call me back. They’re loss. I go to this popular juice place to apply and interview. I get there 5 minutes before and I’m waiting. Then 15 minutes later they come out and get the thing started. They interview us outside at some little tables but the guy who’s interviewing us is like not at the table with us he’s on a step, hard to explain. Anyway halfway through the interview this woman is standing off to the side and I’m like why is the big lesbian just standing there. She didn’t introduce herself or anything. I was like ok. I asked who the managers were and he motioned to the big lesbian. I was like oh! She’s the manager but she doesn’t introduce herself to the people being interviewed? I called a week later to follow up and the guy said that I wasn’t loud enough and my personality came up at the end but there were points when the manager (big lesbian) couldn’t hear me. I politely said thank you and hung up. First of all, we were outside with cars driving by and people walking in and out of the store. I can be loud but this was an interview. Hello! Second, I wasn’t talking to her and she wasn’t really near me so it makes sense she didn’t hear me. But I find that odd because when I made a joke about the head gear they wear she totally cracked up and it went over his dense head.

After that I had an interview with a popular retailer. The interview was fine and I got the job. It wasn’t until the actual day I started working was there an issue. I got there at 9 for our training and they just threw us into work saying they didn’t expect this amount of people. That was fine I am a quick learner and thrive in a fast paced environment : ). I had a problem with a supervisor who was very….an ASSHOLE. Pretty much he was blaming me because he didn’t have people’s approvals ready and took a lunch before any of us workers did. I thought it was very tacky and I decided that I am not going to waste my time working hard for him and not even have the job at the end of it. It was a temporary position. So, now I have an interview Monday and I’m pretty excited about this one. So we’ll see. Ok, now Rufio and I were going pretty strong for awhile and I thought that he was going to be the one I gave it up to BUT I’m rethinking that. Pretty much he’s not treating me right. I have been patient and comprising but he just doesn’t get it. We had a little fight over going to a music festival and I decided that I’ve already proven to him I like him. He’s need to meet me halfway and let me know if really likes me. So we haven’t talked for like a week. He sent me a text with his new number and then left an ambiguous update on his face book about how he’s free and asking “someone” to make plans with him. Of course, I thought it was directed towards me because I am self-involved but my sister says it wasn’t directed to me and Crystal says that even if it was that I’m not in high school so don’t dare respond. I agree! I’m still talking to guys but nothing has really materialized yet. I just want to date, have fun, make some good gay friends and meet a great guy to have mind blowing sex with. The weekend is here and I plan on making the most of it. I’ll let you know how it goes. Tell me about!

Ready for Love! Part 2

So I get ready, put on my fancy shirt and my skinny jeans and head out. I let him know that I’m on my way and I like to be punctuall so I get there around 5:55. I call him and he doesn’t answer I text him and he doesn’t respond. I wanted to punch my fist right through my window. At 6:05 he says he’s looking for his wallet and that he’ll be out soon. I thought to myself, you better look amazing when you come out. He comes out and looks ok. He tells me to get in his car because like I said he doesn’t like me driving him around. He knows I drive 45 minutes to and from school like every day so he comes off as very considerate in that respect. I say get in, I’m taking you out! He gets in and he asks are you mad? I said yeah! You took forever getting out here.

I end it there because this supposed to be fun and a chance to get to know each other better. We start talking and he is so giddy! He’s giggling and putting his beanie over his face. Kinda cute! I’m like what’s wrong with you! He says he’s never been taken out on a date before, in such a formal way I guess. I ask him, you’ve had two boyfriends and you have never been out on a date? That’s sad! I was trying to make a point! I wanted him to know that I’m a catch and just what he’d be missing out on. We talk some more and give him the option of sushi or Italian. He picks sushi and off we go. There’s this great sushi place in the gayborhood that I always pass when I’m in the area so I take him there. We walk into the restaurant and he sees the candy dish. He grabs a piece of candy and I say it’s going to ruin your dinner you shouldn’t eat that. Very parental I know, but I was just being silly. He looks at me and starts to unwrap. I let him know I mean business when I take out his hand and put it in my pocket…hehe The funny part is he doesn’t grab another one and looks at me with big puppy dog eyes. Cute!

We sit down and look over the menu. He’s so indecisive but it makes me even more intrigued by him. We order and wait for our food. While we’re waiting, we talk and just really dig into each other. We’re crackin’ jokes on what each other wore on our first date and squeezing each other’s legs. It’s very playful and I can’t help but like him. DAMN! The food comes and it’s not good at all! Seriously I’ve had better sushi at the supermarket. We decide we’ll eat dessert somewhere else. The waitress brings our check and he won’t let me pay. He keeps giving me money and I’m like calm down. We pay and then we leave. We walk to my car and I open the door for him. He’s like what are you doing? I said I’m opening the door for you woman now get in! He laughs and gets in. So, nowadays most people have some form of keyless remote entry but me, I’m a poor college student so I have to open my door the old fashion way with a key. I actually wanted to see if he would reach over and open the door for me like in the movie, “A Bronx Tale”. Two words, Robert De Niro or is that three? Anyway he doesn’t do it. Awwwwwwwwwww! In the movie that’s how the guy tells if his girl is a keeper or not. I’m all about honesty and directness so I tell him and he’s like ok whatever about it. That’s cool. He might not be the one but at least he knows now. We get to the cute little pastry place and we wait in line. While we’re waiting we start bickering a little. He grabs me and I grab him but all in good fun. There were a few guys looking at us like what is wrong with those two. We order and he doesn’t let me pay. We decide to share a cupcake and pick a nice little corner for the two of us. He hates the cupcake and is so made he spent money on it. I tell him that I’ll give him the three dollars he paid if it we’ll make him feel better. He says no he’s just upset because he thinks its false advertising to put such generic cupcakes in a place where there is supposed to be like fresh delicious pastries served. I smile at him and mention how cute his forearms are! Hahaha… I’m strange but they are! I start rubbing them and he’s pulling his arm back finally he gives in and I’m just rubbing his arm. He gets over the cupcake and is playing with the icing and telling me to lick off his finger and I do. We leave and I want to smack his ass so I do.

He screams in pain and I’m like I didn’t hit you that hard. He’s like someone dropped me on my tailbone and it was fine until you smacked it. Ooops!!! I rub his ass and tell him I’ll make it feel better. We decide we want a movie and we drive all over looking for this red box thing. It’s cool though, because we are holding hands and kissing at stop lights. We end up getting “Dance Flick”. I can’t honestly tell you how it was because we were making out and doing other things the whole time. We finish and cuddle for awhile. I get up and head home. The next day he says how he forgot to thank me for a great time last night. Crystal asked me if I had even thought about him saying thank you before that and I said no, it wasn’t for him it was for me. I like this guy and actually want to go all the way with him. My friends say no wait, but haven’t I been waiting? I’m not sure if he’s the “one” but who is the “one”? I’m starting to wonder. What do you guys think? Tell me about it!

VMAs 2009: Where's My Ring?!?!

Hey! Did you catch the VMAs? Kanye needs to be restrained to his seat at award shows from now on, Lady Gaga has lost her mind(loves it tho) and Beyonce is just BEYONCE! Unfortunately, my girl Britney wasn't there but did take home an award for best Pop Video. Congrats to all the winners! Taylor Swift I Love You!

Beyoncé - New Music - More Music Videos

Ready for Love!

Hello all! I don’t know if anyone is reading this blog. If you are, I would love to hear some of your feedback on my posts. My e-mail is Jamesthevirgin@yahoo.com if you want to shoot me an e-mail.

Well remember how I was telling you guys about how I wanted to go out on a date with Rufio? Well it happened! Before I get to the actual date let me tell you how it all kind of manifested itself. So after our last “date” we agreed we should hang out on Tuesday. So Tuesday rolls around and I send him a text saying are still going to meet up. He says he’ll let me know because he might have to work. I said ok and made my way home. He never texted and I was very upset. I went out with some friends to a kick boxing class and that relieved a lot of the frustration that had built up.

I couldn’t understand how one minute he’s not hearing from me enough and now apparently he doesn’t have time to even send a text saying he has to work. I was just confused. I didn’t think about it anymore so I went on with my week trying not to thinking about him. I was successful for the most part. I even start trying to get to know different guys online like crazy. So Friday rolls around and I head to the gym for a killer chest/shoulders workout and feel very empowered after. I decided I’m going to be the one who determines how this ends not HIM! So I text him saying are free tonight I want to take you out. He doesn’t like me driving or paying for him which is kind of cool, so I knew it would get his attention. He texted me back very surprised and said he would love to but he had made plans with friends so he didn’t want to flake on them. How admirable. ; )

I told him this was a one-time offer and that he’s been a flake with me so he had until 2pm to let me know. In my head I was ready for the let down. It seems that I get down by men a lot just not in the romantic sense but in all areas of my life. I decided if he didn’t respond that I would delete him from facebook, the dating site I had met him on and delete number from my phone! It was 2pm and I heard nothing from him. So first I deleted him from the dating website. I had been going all day by that point so I decided to wait on the facebook and phone deletions : ). Around 2:15 he messaged me saying he could go out. I was relieved because I almost deleted his ass from my life. The universe was watching out for me. I told him that I would pick up at 6 and then I took a nap because all this boy drama has worn this old man out! I started writing about our date but it’s long as hell so I’ll post it later. Here’s India Arie singing I’m Ready for Love, I think I’ll title this post that! She starts off by saying that the song isn’t to a specific person but more to God. I think it just fits my situation because I’m not in love but I know I’M READY FOR LOVE! Do you hear me GOD? Tell me about it.

You Oughta Know

This is for the gays who like Britney! You probably have seen or heard about this by now but I found this high quality vid of the most buzzed about song on her Cirus tour and I had to share. Britney has put a sexy spin on Alanis Morissette's classic break-up anthem "You Oughta Know"! The best part is she is actually singing live and Britney fans, including me, have been going crazy since she has debuted the song. Check out one fan's reaction below. It's priceless!

Confused!

Hey guys! I started my first week at the university this week and it’s been tough but very exciting! I started at a community college and to finally transfer is amazing. I love the school and I’m trying to be very involved in every way I can. Unfortunately I am not able to live on or near campus so I have to commute 40 minutes every day but it’s worth it. It sucks because I don’t I have a job right now so I have to be extremely scrupulous and that means I can’t buy a parking permit which is almost 300 buck, what a rip off. I’ve been parking wherever I can around school and walking in like 80 degree weather its crazy. I had a job interview though and I think I killed it so we’ll see how that all works.

I am still talking to Rufio and things are slowly moving along. We were supposed to go to the park one day and it was hot so we just went in to his house to watch tv and wait out the heat. We ended up making out and one thing lead to another and yeah. He’s such a good kisser! We went to go eat later and then we came back to his house. His dad was outside watering the lawn and turned his back to us as we went in. That was so awkward I almost made a run for it. We went inside and started to make out again. Only thing was we just ate burgers and his mouth wasn’t the best tasting. I intentionally got my burger without onions and rinsed my mouth repeatedly with water because of this. I told him and he was like I’m so embarrassed blah blah blah. But he didn’t go brush teeth. I guess I can live with a little burger breath. We mess around a little more then we cuddle for awhile.

A couple of days later I invited him over because the family was going to be out and I wanted to spend some more time with him. He said is ok if he comes over late. I said yeah because I had planned to go out with friends beforehand anyway. So I get home and I’m tired so I get ready for bed. He texts me around midnight saying he was too drunk and couldn’t come over. I was pissed. I really don’t know where this going and I felt like why didn’t you invite me out with you in the first place. I just feel like all we do is get together and mess around now. I decide to focus on myself that week and didn’t text him back all week. So he texts me Friday saying am I mad? We were supposed to hang out in the morning but I ended up being busy. I told him no why is he asking. He said because he hadn’t heard from me all week. I said I hadn’t heard from him either. I told him we should get together but he had a party to go to that night so I just left it open.

I texted him the next day asking how the party was? He said it was gay! I ended up going over to watch a movie and make of course. I didn’t stay too long because he had work in the morning. We talked a little today and he called me a tease! I told him we can’t have any type of sex until we get tested together. He said that’s ok. While we were messing around I might have made him think that I was going to go down on him but of course I didn’t. Well if he wants it he has to work for it! So yeah I’m confused! Are we dating? Are we boyfriends? Are we friends with benefits? I should ask him but I don’t want to be the needy one who just can’t enjoy things the way they are. I decided we are going on a date sometime this week. An actual date that doesn’t involve his bedroom. I’ll let you know hot it turns out. Tell me about it!

Second Date with Rufio Part 2

We talked for about another 30 minutes. Just like what we thought when first saw each other, movies we like and stuff like that. Then he asked if I wanted to make out? It came out of nowhere but I like that he was direct and didn’t beat around the bush. So we start to make out. It’s a little awkward at first and he’s laughing. I told him if you don’t stop laughing this isn’t going to happen. I know, harsh but he was making me nervous and it had been awhile since I kissed someone. He gets the giggles out and we actually go at it for a long ass time. He got on top of me and I got on top of him. We’re lying down then we’re back up.

I have to say he’s a great kisser and he has the best lips ever. He knows how to take control and give it up when needed. I already said before how I love to kiss so I was just enjoying doing that. He then put his hands on my package and was like I want us to jack off together. I was horny and I like him so I said ok. So we get to it and it’s amazing. He definitely knows what he is doing and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or bad thing. Anyway we finish and I head home. He texts that same night saying how we should hang out again soon. I said yeah and mentioned something about how sexy his lips are. They’re so freaking hot! I couldn’t get enough of them.

So that’s where we are now. Even though I wanted to wait a little longer to do what we did. I’m glad it happened and I don’t regret it at all. I’m still just kind of whatever about the situation. Of course, I want a boyfriend! That has been my mission for the past ummmm…my whole life!!!! I don’t want to get too attached and become needy, I know myself and he’s off to New York in a few months. So no need to put myself through the heartache. Tell me about it!

Second Date with Rufio

I had another date with Rufio. He’s having minor surgery and he wanted to hang out before because he’s going to be out of commission for a week or so. He texted me saying if I wanted to come over and watch a movie at his place and I love movies, so I said of course. I was a little apprehensive about going to his place because two young attractive gay guys in a dark place with no one else there…I wonder what could happened. Don’t get me wrong, I can control myself in terms of going all the way, but I love to kiss and do other stuff and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go there quite yet.

Anyway I went over to his place and he put on the movie The Last House on the Left. I had never seen it but knew the basic premise. It’s kind of a scary suspense type of movie. Even though, I usually don’t go for those types of movies I really enjoyed it and I couldn’t take my eyes of the television screen. He noticed and was like you were really into it and I said yeah I wasn’t expecting it to be that good. After the movie we did the whole small talk thing and he showed me some of his work, he’s an aspiring photographer, kind of hot right? As we were talking he asked me to tell him about my first “gay experience”. To be honest I didn’t know what the hell he meant and I kinda blurted out, “you mean sex?”…haha I’m such a dork! He said yeah and I told umm…I haven’t had much experience and I’ve never had like sexual intercourse, who freakin says that? He was kind of surprised and he was like but you have had sex with a girl right?

I said nope, I’m very pure and innocent, not completely but it is fun to say. While he was surprised he didn’t seem too shocked and I, feeling a little too vulnerable for my liking, flipped the question on to him. He talked about his first time and how he should have waited and his previous boyfriends. The best part though is how he said he thinks he has jungle fever. I was like what?!?! I don’t like that phrase at all! I wanted to be like sweetie I am not Wesley Snipes and this isn’t a Spike Lee joint so…but I didn’t go there. I told him to elaborate because I’m not perfect and maybe I misunderstood. He went on to say that a lot of his friends are black and that after his last boyfriend, who was black, he only as eyes for us black boys now.

He actually said something that was very interesting to me. He mentioned how when he goes on dates with white guys at the end if they say they weren’t attracted to him in that way that he just moves on, but with black guys he finds that he doesn’t have that issue so that’s why he keeps coming back to us. Now I know I am over-analytical and I have a lot of self-discovery to do, but what I took from that is that us black guys tend to settle for whatever comes our way. Which sucks because I do find him attractive. I don’t know maybe I’m reading too much into what he’s saying. Well I didn’t expect this to be so long so I’ll make a part two later on. Tell me about it!

My Third Date!

I had my third date this Friday! Yay! I can’t wait until I can stop remembering how many date’s I’ve been on ; P. Like I said I met this guy online and he seems pretty cool, we’ll call him Rufio! I texted him and we just started talking some. We decided that we should go to the movies. One thing about me though is that I am a control freak! I like to be in control or at least feel like I am. We decided that we would meet at 8. So I leave my house around 7:35 just to make sure I’m on time. I stop by the store to pick up some gum and I get a text saying let me know when you are leaving. I replied I already left. He replies already! I say we said 8 right? I was kind of upset but I was like whatevs. He said he would leave his house in 5 minutes. So I get to the mall and I have a little time so I go into target and read magazines. He gets there like 10 minutes later. I go over to meet him and he’s pretty cute. He actually mumbled under his breath “You’re so cute”…haha that made me laugh. I don’t take compliments well at all but I liked that he said it. He’s tall, dark and very handsome. His ethnicity is Asian and he dresses really trendy. So we chat about what movie we should see. Of course, I want to see G.I. Joe! He wanted to see Orphan. I said we can see that if you want, but he said G.I. Joe was ok. Thank God! We start talking as we stand in line and he’s really funny and we had a great conversation going. He’s moving to New York soon, there goes any chance of anything long-term, so he’s excited about that.

We walk up to pay and he says wait. I thought he was going to pay for me…haha No, he had coupons and he gave me one. So cute! I don’t know how you guys feel about coupons on the first date, but I didn’t mind it at all. I thought it was very sweet to offer me one and in this harsh economic climate I like someone who knows how to save a few bucks. So we get our tickets. I asked him if he wanted to walk around before the movie. He’s like what time does the movie start? I said 9:40. He said I thought we were getting the 8:15 one. I said its 8:20! This is where the control freak takes over. I like being early to the movies. I like being able to pick the best seats. I like watching the previews. This is our first date so I played nice and say let’s exchange our tickets. We do and head in. The theatre was packed and we had to sit in the very front. See! The movie was awesome anyway. Channing Tatum is still sexy, I wasn’t sure after I saw some fat pics of him not too long ago. Marlon Waynes is so funny and actually looks pretty good with his shirt off. Sienna Miller was actually very fierce and I loved her. Surprise! Seeing as I thought she was a husband stealing whore who couldn’t act. With that being said Rufio didn’t seem to into the movie and the girl next to me was freaking annoying. He said he liked it and it was better than he thought it was going to be. As we leave the theatre I realize I have to pee soooooooooo bad. I say I have to use the restroom and he says so do I! STOP! I’m new to the whole dating thing so forgive me. I felt so weird going into the same restroom as my date. Yeah we are both guys but it’s just funny I guess. We are outside now and I say do you want to do something else? He says I don’t know it’s late and I don’t know what’s open. I say hmmm….you’re right! We go back and forth for a minute deciding what’s open. He says I know a yogurt place but it’s kind of far. I say let do it! I offer to drive and we head up there. I’m amazed how good the convo is and the fact that I’m not nervous. We get some yogurt and we head back to drop him off at his car.

All in all the date was good. Oh! Did I mention he was 18? I’m 22 and my friend Crystal says I should date someone older. To be honest I just want to date and as long as they’re legal I’m ok. He texted me the next day and I actually texted him back…haha I don’t have butterflies or anything so we’ll see how it goes.

Possible Date

So, I might have a date for this Friday night. I'm not sure at the moment becuase... Well let me start from the beginning. I created a few profiles on some gay websites to maybe meet some guys. I got a message from one guy saying we should hook up! He was kind of cute so I replied "yeah, we should go out sometime". I don't know what he meant my hooking up but I decided that I'm going to take as we should hang out :). Anyway, he said what would you like to do? I said dinner, movie, bowling or anything would be good. I think he was surprised because he responded "Are you real?" I couldn't help but feel a litte weird but it still made me laugh. Well he gave me his number and said text him sometime. Which I like because he kind of put the ball in my court. I'm going to text him tomorrow sometime to see wuts up with him. I do want to date more, but I'm not paying for him. I think we should both pay for ourselves unless he would like to treat me : ). Back to the "Are you real?" comment. Do gay guys not date? Is that why I'm not having any luck? I'm just curious because "hooking up" is not an option for me at this point in my love life. I want to hear from you out there. Are you guys dating? Are you hooking up? If you are dating, have you had any lasting relationships? Tell me about it!

Major Music: When Love Takes Over!

This is the video for When Love Takes Over by David Guetta feat. Kelly Rowland. I'm not really familiar with David, but I hear he is a very popular Frecnh DJ and he is know worldwide for his work. The song is so simple and I think we can all realate to when love takes over even if hasn't happened to some of us : P. Kelly sounds amazing on the track and the video has really fun vibe. Check it out!

Guilty Pleasure: Miami Social

Miami Social is one of my favorite shows at the moment. It's so superficial and has nothing to offer in terms of higher intellect, BUT I can't get enough of it. I love Katrina, the sexy soon to be divorcee who's career is her main focus as opposed to her sexy ass soon to be ex-husband, Ben, and you better believe if she doesn't realize what she has soon, I'll take him right from under her. Then there is "good" gay, Michael, who is looking for love in all the wrong places. Like his trainer who happens to be in a relationship, poor thing! If there is a "good" gay then there has to be an "evil" gay right? RIGHT!
His name is Ariel and he is tooooo much! He's more of big spoiled snob than just plain old evil but he gets on my last nerve so evil he will be. Of course there's Hardy, what happened? Google Big Brother 2 Hardy and you'll see what I mean. He's dating Trixia and she is just annoying! From her fake blond roots to her high winy ass voice. Then you have George and his pants slashing love, Lina(this girl is all kinds of krazy). The there is Geroge's ex-wife who is so freaking beautiful(George is a stupid man), Sorah, who is dating hot doctor Gonazallo(total gay face). hmmmmmmmmmmmmm have touched on everyone? OH! Maria! She is a single mom who's daughter is at boarding school to get a better "education" whatevs. Personally, who wants to parent 24-7 when you can pay to have someone take care of your spawn. I can't blame her. That's all for now. Check it out on Bravo Tuesday nights @ 10:00pm. And don't forget to tell me about it!

Boy Culture!

This is the movie I briefly mentioned in the last post. Boy Culture stars Derek Magyar and Noah's Arc hottie Darryl Stephens. I don't want to give anything way but it is fun story about a gay male escort and how he fell in love . Check it out!

1st Date

Hey guys! So I wanted to tell you a little about my first date. So I was in my favorite store with some friends shopping. The guy who was ringing us up says to my friend Crystal, "Is that your boyfriend?" She says, "No, but he's a good looking guy and in another life maybe!" He says, "Oh, he's very attractive...." finally I was like ok let's go. I didn't get a really good look at the guy because I was so embarrased. When we got to the car my friends were like he was hitting on you and you didn't even give him the time of day. I said whatever it wasn't meant to be and left at that. They took upon themselves to go back and give him my number. So he texts me and he wants to take me out on a date. I say ok and I get kind of excited. So I ask my friends if he was cute because I didn't really get a good look at him. They say he was and that eases my nerves a little bit.

So date night is here finally here. I go and pick him up because he doesn't drive and he happens to be in his late 20's. I thought that was kind of strange seeing as I'm 22 and I'm driving this man around, but that's just me. So as soon as he gets into the car I want to end the date. He's not at all what I expected. I didn't find him attractive at all. So we start talking and the conversation is horrible. We get to the restaurant and we sit down. I was so uncomfortable I wanted to run as fast as I could. I stayed and tried to make the best of the situation. The worst part was the waiter who came over to fix the light over are table was way hotter than my date and I think he was hitting on me but of course I'm to dense to realize that at the time. We get our food and I focus on just eating. He's eating and I'm getting more turned off. He's slurping is soup and he ordered pizza. I don't think I'm being picky but this is the first date it would be nice if he tried to impress me. I would do the same if I was really interested in someone. He asks me if I want to go to the beach after this, I politely said no. I don't wanna drive all over the city with a guy I don't even like.

We head downtown and he goes into a store to buy some movies. He says he doesn't go out much and just likes to stay in and watch movies. That's cool I love movies but he's into these old school horror movies. I couldn't relate and I was turned off yet again. The night didn't completely suck becuase I found this great movie I've been dying to see. Boy Culture!!! I couldn't believe it. I was so happy and totally forgot about the horrible date I was on. We buy our movies and go out to walk around. We decide to go and get some ice cream. As we were standing in line I became really embarrassed. There are all these young cute kids around and I am with this guy who I'm not into at all. I just felt out of place with him. We go to order and he knocks over the little menu stand. OMG!!! I understand this was our first date and he was nervous but that was it for me. After we finished I said I was done for the night. I took him home and he lived like 4o mins. away from downtown. He said he had a good time and that we should do it again. I said um...maybe, then I put my hand out and shook his hand to avoid an awkward hug. This was apparently was lost on him. He leaned in and gave me a hung anyway. He got out, I stepped on the gas and gunned it out of there. He texted me the next day but I didn't respond. I dind't want to lead him on and a the time I thought that this was the best way to end things.

Ok, so I after reading this I know I sounds kind of like a bitch! I think we have all had bad dates and my first happend to be one of them. I want to konw what you guys think. What could I have done differently? Have you had a similar experience?...tell me about it!

First Post!

Hey Y'all! I'm starting this blog because if you hadn't guessed from the title; I'm Black, Gay and a Virgin! I'm really frustrated with everything that comes with being Black, Gay and a virgin. I can't change two out of three and I dont want to, but I'm finding it to be very hard to live my life the way I want it to. I'm not out to all of my family and friends, so I consider myself to be a step out of the closet. I do venture out the gay part of town, I have a few online profiles and I have been to a couple of gay clubs but I'm not meeting the type of guys that I want. I get told often how attractive I am and I wonder why I'm not attracting guys. Is it because I'm black...too gay....not gay enough or can they smell my virginity on me? I just want to know. I'd love to hear what all you guys out there have to say about my situation. You can reach at jamesthevirgin@yahoo.com if you have any questions or have some advice. So pleeeaaase...tell me about it!